HOLY CRAP!
What’s down, Slackers??
Man have I ever neglected you guys. I’m deeply sorry that I have been out of the electronic universe for such a long period of time. Hopefully I will finally be able to pull my shit together.
I, as I assume to be true for most other undergrads, have returned to school for the second semester of the school year. I wasn’t particularly looking forward to this occurrence, as – although I did have three entire weeks off to play CoD and Super Mario – I do not feel at all rested what with exams, after semester partying, Christmas, New Years, and all the constant shagging I’ve done with Mr. X (Oh man you guys, you don’t even know the latest!!). As a result, I found myself wandering aimlessly throughout campus as I 
halfheartedly find the classrooms that correspond with my schedule, shimmy into chairs at the back of the room, and tune out my first two weeks of lectures, all while thinking to myself something along the lines of “WOW. I am fucking skrewed. Might as well take a nap; not like my future holds anything more interesting”.
That’s right, folks. Turns out last semester was actually the easiest thing that will ever happen to me. As the title of this blog suggests, second semester holds little more than countless midterms, group projects, and mental breakdowns. From here on out, I actually have to apply myself. Ridiculous. I’ve already had to begin to study for my first midterm, and I haven’t even had more than two weeks back. Perhaps the only bright light that has managed to shine through on the dreary scene that is my life is the literal one; luckily the sun is out approximately 7.4 minutes more these days than it was last semester. Maybe all the extra Vitamin D will make me more sociable! (Pfft… ya right). I’m sure that I can’t possibly be the only one who is feeling this way, so in the hopes that there are more than three people who actually read this blog, here is my personal list of things to do to help ease you back into the terrible life of a dropdead undergrad:
1. Sleep whenever your body tells you too. In class, on the bus, in a snow bank…
2. Get on top of things from the get-go. We all know that this will stick around for maybe a month (if you’re lucky), so you might as well give yourself some sense of satisfaction before the feeling of absolute failure begins to settle deep within the bowels of your person (this usually happens around Reading Break, am I right?).
3. Sleep with someone. Anyone. If this goes against your personal beliefs, masturbate until until your thumbs (thumbs?) fall off. It’s a great relief.
4. Indulge in special coffees
5. Bring something simple from your vacation to school to subtly remind you of the wondrous (though brief) life you once lived. Here’s mine
6. Enjoy those rare moments of peace and quiet. You know the ones – when you’re on the bus and your mind goes blank, when you fall asleep in the library despite the fact that you have an English paper due in THIRTY MINUTES.
7. Listen to Chingy once in a while. It’ll do you good. Probably.
8. Sing in the shower. This has the same effects as #3
9. Pick one of your classes to become your “slam-class”. This means that is will become the class that you rag on consistently (and I mean constantly) to make yourself feel better about having to live through four more years of hell. Everyone has one.
10. Treat yourself to small rewards. For example, since I managed to live through last semester relatively unscathed, I bought myself a new pair of boots and a new snowboarding jacket. They were expensive, but I feel less like a homeless person when I wear them.
11. Go to the doctor. One thing I learned this break was that shit happens without you knowing it, and doctors are the only people who can tell you what’s wrong with your old self.
12. Laugh. Watch this, this, or this.
13. Get destructive when you feel the need. (*NOTE: by destructive, I do not mean hard drugs or relationship destruction. More along the lines of smashing light bulbs or boxing or something…)
14. Write fun notes to your neighbours. This is one of the fun things I also managed to discover on my break. Most people write back!!
That’s all for now, Slackers. Enjoy your free time as much as you can, and get to studying! Your grades are worth it!
Keep Trekking,
-S
dropdeadundergrad 