Wasted

Have you ever been so angry at somebody that eventually, all you can do is cry?

 

Have you ever been left seething in your own anger for so long that eventually you can say “Fuck it. I don’t give a shit” and walk away?

Have you ever meant it?

 

Well dear Slackers, today, I can officially say that I have. And let me tell you. It sucks.

I Wish I Could Get Naked Instead

What’s down, Slackers?

 

So now that my second year is officially back into full swing, I’ve begun to contemplate why I ever signed up for university in the first place. I mean it requires SO MUCH EFFORT. Aside from the usual 9,000 pages of reading each week, studying for midterms, and completing term papers, the social aspect to university can be SO draining sometimes. I mean, I dunno about you, but some days, I would much rather stay home and watch the entire series of Weeds on Netflix than go out with people from school. And I’d really rather do that than be productive with my school work.

Why are social relationships so difficult? I mean people can be pretty demanding sometimes. They’re all “have a two sided-conversation with me” and “stop crying in the corner and help us with the group paper”. Ugh. So annoying. Anyways. Here’s a list of things to do to keep your sanity when forced to interact with other beings. Especially when the interaction surrounds school with with people you despise:

1. Bring food that’s really crunchy with you everywhere you go. When somebody starts to annoy you, start eating it. The crunch noise will block out the words they’re saying.

2. Pop your gum. For some reason this really seems to annoy people. Maybe if you do it, they will go away.

3. Invite the group to your place to get some work done. Take your pants of immediately after you walk in the house.

4. Dig your nails into your skin until you bleed. The pain will make you feel something other than sheer numbness while the blond idiot keeps rambling on in her stupid monotone voice.

5. Enjoy the looks of distaste that others afford you after doing something particularly disgusting such as letting a big one rip, picking and eating a scab, or making a spit stream.

6. Counter attack everything the other person says. It may be catty, but sometimes all you need is a little fight to make things more interesting and worth your time.

7. When it’s all over, go home and enjoy a large glass of anything alcoholic. I recommend a fishbowl.

That’s all I’ve got, slackers. What do you do when you don’t want to interact with other people?

Keep Trekkin’.

-S

Would Reading Judy Blume as a Kid Have Made Me a Better Person?

What’s down, Slackers?

To answer the QOTD, no probably not. But there’s still some part of me that thinks that if I had somehow been exposed to coping with shitty things in life in a less realistic way as a child, I would have come out somewhat less dysfunctional. Alas, Internet, I did not read Judy Blume as a kid. I have, however, read Can You Hear Me God, It’s Me, Margaret as an adult, and I must say that I missed out on learning several life lessons from a stranger at age 11. That said, I feel as though I could have, in all honesty, turned out way worse.

As I’m sure you can tell, my week has been going about as well as a Poptart Casserole (which sounds delicious, but looks utterly horrifying). Do you ever just have one of those days where you wish you could be 10-years old again and your mom would take care of everything and you wouldn’t ever have to worry about anything?

Me too.

So, in an attempt to brighten the lonesome week, I began to formulate a list of things that make my life better, and eventually that lead to a list about why it’s better to be an adult than a child. So, without further ado, I present to you my “LIST OF WHY BEING A GROWN-UP IS BETTER MOST TIMES”:

1. You are actually allowed to chew gum in the shower and nobody can stop you.

2. You pay the rent, you make the rules; if you wanna go out for 72 hours without coming home, you are free to do so.

3. All of the Rap Nasty can be played and nobody can lecture you on the inappropriate lyrics

4. Pants are always optional at all times

5. Sometimes you actually do need to have ice cream for dinner

6. Slutty clubbing outfits are OK every once in a while

7. Swearing as much as you want can be done without repercussion

8. Drink as much as you want**

9. Those Dishes can wait; Call of Duty is calling you to duty

10. There is no such thing as “staying up too late”…unless you have a n 8am midterm tomorrow…then maybe go to bed

11. The volume can be AS LOUD AS YOU WANT and nobody can complain about it for 68 hours at you

12. the panicky feeling of what mom/dad are gonna do to you when they get home just disappears forever

13. You never have to make you bed if you don’t want to

14. You don’t get a lecture every morning about why you didn’t iron your shirt, jeans, underwear, and shoes

15. You can have as many bathroom products as you want, and nobody can complain about all the room they take up

16. Drive as fast as you want**

17. No need to hold in any gas; who’s gonna punish you for farting at the dinner table?

18. You have the freedom to make any decision you want. Including whether or not to watch The Human Centipede (I recommend no; it was absolutely horrifying).

19. You don’t have to wear a jacket if you really don’t want to. I mean you’ll be cold, and wish you’d brought one, but it’s not mandatory.

20. You can have all the sex, all the time.**

21. Bungee Jumping, Sky Diving, and Motorcycling have all finally become legitimate possibilities.

22. If you don’t wanna go to the doctor’s office, you don’t have to

23. Sometimes you just need to eat a bowl of meat and nothing else at 2:00pm on a Wednesday

24. You can  start your homework when you’re good and ready; probably after you’ve watched five episodes of Community/Boy Meets World/One Tree Hill and then go on reddit for 3 hours

25. You can clack your gum whenever and wherever you want without anyone swatting you in the back of the head and saying “Cut it out!”

That’s all for now, Slackers. Stay Awesome

And Keep Trekking

-S

**BE SAFE THOUGH!! Nothing stupid!

Break-Ups and Pregnancy Scares: Shit’s Gettin’ All “Real Life” on Me

What’s down, Slackers??

Dear God have I got some terrifying news for everyone. Strap in folks, cuz this is gonna be quite the story.

To start off, I am sorry to inform you all that Mr. X and I are no longer. I know right? Who knew? I mean things had been going so well. We were doing great, getting along, doing a little bit of the nasty…the usual. Then one day we went downtown to see a movie. We met up at a coffee shop (where I had purchased drinks for both of us) and then proceeded to walk around for a bit before the show. We sat down on a bench where we talked for a bit. Then there was a moment of silence. THE moment of silence. I turned to face him, and I saw that he had been looking at me out of the corner of my eye. Just as I was formulating what I was going to say next, he opened his mouth and said the one thing a girl never wants to hear in her entire life, “(Insert Name Here), I can’t see you anymore”.

My jaw almost hit the ground. I was flabbergasted. I mean, we had made plans for the day, I had gotten coffee, we were talking like normal, nothing seemed different! At first I thought he was joking – at times he says stupid things like that to see how I react…in retrospect, I see that this should have been a clue to me that he wasn’t worth it. As a reaction, I jokingly pushed his face away, but then he muttered something similar to “what the fuck” and kept eye contact with me, which made me think he was being serious. To be sure, I looked him in the eye and said, “Are you serious?” And unfortunately, internet, he was.

We had gotten into a fight earlier in the week, and I had commented on how he wasn’t exactly treating me as nicely as he once had. I feel like this played a large part in why we broke up because his words were, “I feel like I can’t be as committed to you or as good of a boyfriend to you as I want to be, and I feel like you’re noticing that”. Admittedly, I can see that he was really diplomatic about it all, however no matter how you put it, he still broke up with me, which sucks all sorts of balls. The worst part is he went on to say how much he liked me as a person and wanted to hang out and blah blah blah (all the B.S. you DON’T want to hear when you’re getting dumped), and THEN he asked if I wanted to see the movie with him still!!

Although I am usually quite open to hanging out/being friends with my exes, this was a bit of a different situation. Not only was I not expecting him to end things that day, but over the previous week, I had began to wonder if I could potentially be pregnant (I had all sorts of symptoms: sore chest, nausea, and a cold, to name a few). Of course in order to avoid an all out freakout in the middle of the street, I responded to the break up with “I think going to a movie right now would be really awkward” and we left it at that. I was sad for a few days, but I surprisingly got over that relatively quickly (another sign to me that things really weren’t that serious to begin with). Besides, dealing with a potential pregnancy after you break up with someone is a bit more of a pressing issue then dealing with it when you’re still together.

All of this happened about two weeks ago, give or take a few days, which brings me to today. Now, I’m not gonna get into too much detail here, but by last night I had really begun to start panicking. I figured I would wait until this morning to see, and then text Mr. X to let him know about the situation, which is exactly what ended up happening. Talk about an awkward conversation: “Hey, so I know we broke up, but I may potentially be carrying your bastard child. Oh, and p.s. I new about it before you dumped me”. Needless to say, he spent the majority of his day having a bit of a panic. Again, I learned that breaking up was the right thing as he spent most of his time this morning saying things like “I’m freaking out” and “This is going to be looming over me until we know for sure” and not things like “How are you holding up?” and “Is there anything I can do to help?”.

Ugh. Men. Are there any out there who aren’t so self-absorbed? I mean I get why he was freaking out, and he had every right to. At the same time, though, I feel like it’s more important to worry about the health and mental sanity of the girl, figure out if she actually is pregnant, weigh your options, and then start to panic about yourself. I mean it’s not like he’d be the one who would have to either go through the trauma of having an abortion or carry out the pregnancy, right? Anyways, to settle everyone’s nerves, I went to the doctors today to get tested.Relax

Again, I don’t feel like it’s entirely appropriate (or really that interesting) to get into the nitty-gritty details, but I will tell you that there is nothing to worry about! Thank whatever-ultimate-power-may-be-out-there! I have been having this situation wage war on my nerves (and sanity) for the past few weeks, and I am grateful to report that things have sorted themselves out and I am now A-OK. Stress and worry are officially gone!! Now I can finallyrelax.

And so, internet, I am now able to say that I have officially lived through my first college boyfriend, college break-up, and serious-real-life-see-a-doctor-kind-of-pregnancy-scare. All during midterms I might add. Talk about a stressful load.

Though I am feeling much lighter than I was before, today I feel as though I should feel like a superhero, when in reality I feel a bit off. Maybe I’m not entirely over this whole mess…or maybe the stress is just catching up with me and all I really need is some junk food and a good nights sleep.

You know, when I first started this blog I thought that I would have more of a focus on academics and living through the stress of homework; as the year has gone on, I realize that there is more to being in university than just that. I guess this whole mess is still classified as a (relatively small) aspect the life of an average dropdeadundergrad.

Anyways, Slackers, sorry to get all serious! Hopefully that will be the end of that!

That’s all for now, guys. Remember that you can still get pregnant on the pill! ALWAYS PRACTICE SAFE SEX!

Keep trekking!

-S

Fuck This, I Quit

What’s down, Slackers?

I hate to start off a blog in such a snit, but today is NOT a good day. I am in a deep state of perpetual hatred known as the English Lit. Hysteria.

That’s right, internet, I am having issues in writing my English paper for the week. What some may call “difficulties”  I call “ineptitudes” in regards to writing for English. I can spawn a story, produce a poem, and fashion some fiction, but I cannot – I repeat,

CANNOT

– write an English paper.

It is one of the most difficult things in the world! Not only do I have NO idea what I’m talking about outside of anything more than the definition of onomatopoeia or juxtaposition, but I also have a the professor type who is very flimsy-wimsy in regards to her instructions on the subject matter. I DON’T HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT I’M DOING HERE!! I’ve already tried going to Student Learning Services to see if I can get help, but they do not offer it for English assignments (surprise, surprise), so I am deeming myself utterly, and completely fucked.

If you are also finding yourself to be in a state of complete turmoil, perhaps these tips to get you through the emotions (but unfortunately not the assignment) may be of some help:

1. ALWAYS let your roommate help you. Especially if they are savvy in the area that you are having troubles with. They will do a wondrous job of making you cry and hate yourself even more than you did before you started talking to them.

2. Eat as much candy as 7-11 will allow you to purchase in one go. Sugar is good for you when you’re in this state, as it encourages you to throw punches at the wall to let out your frustration.

3. Drink away the sorrow

4. Bitch about it to everybody on Facebook**. It will make you feel so much better when nobody replies to your post, reinforcing the assumption that you have no true friends, and that you are an idiot.

5. Stay inside your house and boil over about how stupid your goddamn assignment is.

6. Throw a baby. Preferably at something that will shatter.

7. Stab yourself just a little bit. A good slice to the gut will get you back on the right track.

And there you have it internet. Good luck with whatever midsemester crisis you are currently battling your way through. Remember to do everything in your power from becoming a dropdead undergrad like yours truly. And to those of you who are not having any current undergrad troubles, you’re probably not in the right program. Switch to something more challenging.

That’s all folks. I need a break from typing before I throw my computer out a 5 story window.

Keep Trekking,

-S

**Ok, so I am actually extremely guilty for this one. I complain about school ALL the time in my statuses, but that doesn’t mean you can’t learn from my mistakes!

Life Re-Sucks in Second Semester Classes

HOLY CRAP!

What’s down, Slackers??

Man have I ever neglected you guys. I’m deeply sorry that I have been out of the electronic universe for such a long period of time. Hopefully I will finally be able to pull my shit together.

I, as I assume to be true for most other undergrads, have returned to school for the second semester of the school year. I wasn’t particularly looking forward to this occurrence, as – although I did have three entire weeks off to play CoD and Super Mario – I do not feel at all rested what with exams, after semester partying, Christmas, New Years, and all the constant shagging I’ve done with Mr. X (Oh man you guys, you don’t even know the latest!!). As a result, I found myself wandering aimlessly throughout campus as I BackToSchoolhalfheartedly find the classrooms that correspond with my schedule, shimmy into chairs at the back of the room, and tune out my first two weeks of lectures, all while thinking to myself something along the lines of “WOW. I am fucking skrewed. Might as well take a nap; not like my future holds anything more interesting”.

That’s right, folks. Turns out last semester was actually the easiest thing that will ever happen to me. As the title of this blog suggests, second semester holds little more than countless midterms, group projects, and mental breakdowns. From here on out, I actually have to apply myself. Ridiculous. I’ve already had to begin to study for my first midterm, and I haven’t even had more than two weeks back. Perhaps the only bright light that has managed to shine through on the dreary scene that is my life is the literal one; luckily the sun is out approximately 7.4 minutes more these days than it was last semester. Maybe all the extra Vitamin D will make me more sociable! (Pfft… ya right). I’m sure that I can’t possibly be the only one who is feeling this way, so in the hopes that there are more than three people who actually read this blog, here is my personal list of things to do to help ease you back into the terrible life of a dropdead undergrad:

1. Sleep whenever your body tells you too. In class, on the bus, in a snow bank…

2. Get on top of things from the get-go. We all know that this will stick around for maybe a month (if you’re lucky), so you might as well give yourself some sense of satisfaction before the feeling of absolute failure begins to settle deep within the bowels of your person (this usually happens around Reading Break, am I right?).

3. Sleep with someone. Anyone. If this goes against your personal beliefs, masturbate until until your thumbs (thumbs?) fall off. It’s a great relief.

4. Indulge in special coffees

5. Bring something simple from your vacation to school to subtly remind you of the wondrous (though brief) life you once lived. Here’s mine

6. Enjoy those rare moments of peace and quiet. You know the ones – when you’re on the bus and your mind goes blank, when you fall asleep in the library despite the fact that you have an English paper due in THIRTY MINUTES.

7. Listen to Chingy once in a while. It’ll do you good. Probably.

8. Sing in the shower. This has the same effects as #3

9. Pick one of your classes to become your “slam-class”. This means that is will become the class that you rag on consistently (and I mean constantly) to make yourself feel better about having to live through four more years of hell. Everyone has one.

10. Treat yourself to small rewards. For example, since I managed to live through last semester relatively unscathed, I bought myself a new pair of boots and a new snowboarding jacket. They were expensive, but I feel less like a homeless person when I wear them.

11. Go to the doctor. One thing I learned this break was that shit happens without you knowing it, and doctors are the only people who can tell you what’s wrong with your old self.

12. Laugh. Watch this, this, or this.

13. Get destructive when you feel the need. (*NOTE: by destructive, I do not mean hard drugs or relationship destruction. More along the lines of smashing light bulbs or boxing or something…)

14. Write fun notes to your neighbours. This is one of the fun things I also managed to discover on my break. Most people write back!!

That’s all for now, Slackers. Enjoy your free time as much as you can, and get to studying! Your grades are worth it!

Keep Trekking,

-S

Relationships are Awkward and I Can’t Afford Expensive Christmas Presents

What’s down, Slackers??

Well…I realize that I have been MIA for the past few weeks, and I must apologize for my seemingly apparent lack of existence. As most of you are aware, finals week has been upon us, and I have spent all of my time over the past two weeks cramming for my exams, being sad, about my exams, and sleeping away the anxiety as I await the results for my exams. I am back now, though! And with so much good news as well!!

Not only have I managed to maintain my goal GPA (some tips on that later in the week), but I have also successfully began a relationship with Mr. X, and finished my Christmas shopping on my student [low] budget.

Things with Mr. X have begun to take a top speed. We’ve been seeing each other for a while, he has been charming me with his incredible wit and general adorableness, and the other day he called me his girlfriend. It’s been one of those not-quite-sure-what-to-call-you-so-I’m-introducing-you-as-my-friend-until-we-can-figure-this-out kinda situation. We were watching Clerks 2 (a recommended followup for anyone who has seen the magnificent Clerks), and when Dante (a character) mentioned his girlfriend. At this point, Mr. X nudged me and said “hey, I have one of those”, to which I responded “Oh ya? When do I get to meet her?”

This was the turning moment when our awkward whatever-you-call-it became and actual existing relationship. I’m even going to his house on Christmas Eve to get drunk with his family and neighbours. The way this conversation (if it can be called that) came about is a prime example of how our senses of humour combined with our antisocial tendencies and the awkwardness of this whole relationship thing has resulted in our relative inability to blatantly say things like “hey, I’m gonna call you my girlfriend now” and “that sounds wonderful. I shall call you my boyfriend”. In a way though, isn’t that exactly the conversation we had? Just a bit less intrusive?

Later that day, I managed to slip a small text to our mutual friend responsible for hooking us up,

Awkward Face

Awkward Face

and she was super happy that things are working out. I feel like I owe her that satisfaction of knowing she’s done something awesome, however it’s so awkward having to talk about anything relationship related to anyone, mostly because I am socially inept and shy about everything that doesn’t concern the people I’m talking to.

As wonderful as this whole situation is, it leaves me in the awkward position of “girlfriend”; a place in which I have never found myself before. I’d love to be able to post some advice on how to deal with this situation, but alas I have none to offer, so in its place, I will give you a list of awkward things that happen early on in a new relationship:

  1. Making out for the first time and being interrupted by either a family member or your roommates dog
  2. Trying to figure out how far you can push a joke until it becomes too far
  3. Deciphering how far you can go within the first month without making it seem like you’re just in it to hook up occasionally (this was particularly difficult for me as I am probably the horniest university freshman in Canada).
  4. Getting caught by mutual friends as you drunkenly make out in the back of  his car at the bar
  5. Holding hands for the first time in public
  6. Discovering each others bellybuttons and ticklish spots for the first time
  7. Accidentally doing something embarrassing like slipping on ice or farting (only one of these has actually happened to me; you decide which you think is more likely).
  8. Meeting his mom
  9. Introducing him to your roommates
  10. Sharing a bed for the first time
  11. Touching an area/body part of theirs for the first time (by that I am referring to things like the back, chest, ear, hair etc…)
  12. Discovering their secret stash of whatever they stash and having them discover yours (c’mon guys, we all have one; mine is socks and gum)
  13. Looking into their eyes passionately
  14. Meeting their friends
  15. Meeting their friends that have potentially heard about embarrassing moments or naked stories
  16. Talking about your messed up family

I realize that most of these things happen with every guy I’ve been with, however they have a bit of a different feeling to them because I actually like Mr. X and don’t spend all of my time with him naked…I guess that’s what real grown up relationships are like. What about you, Slackers? Care to expand the list? What are some of your top awkward moments in new relationships? If it rings true, I will add it to the list!

Well, that’s all for today, but I shall return throughout the weekend. Good luck with your undoubted last minute shopping, as well as your Mr/Ms adventures!

Keep Trekking

-S